Emma has served as the President of our Student Government Association this year. This photo, a portion of our student body poses during a Volleyball Tournament at the lake, followed by worship and the Word.

Trusting God’s Faithfulness

It would be very odd if I had a trusted friend and yet asked them multiple times for signs or evidence of their faithfulness to me. Either this friend has done a very poor job proving their faithfulness through their words and actions or I just don’t trust them as much as I think I do. It’s pretty easy to do this with God as well.

We have a God who has fought to prove his faithfulness to humanity for the past thousands of years. The very fact that Jesus entered into history proves that God is faithful. Yet when he asks us to walk by faith, we start to feel like something is wrong. Since God knows the future and he’s making a path for me in the wilderness, I should obviously feel comfortable and confident in the path I am walking.

Wrestling with Illness and Doubt

I’ve struggled with semi-chronic illness for the last many years of my life. Every time I have a new flare-up of symptoms, often worse than the time before, I find myself back before the Lord asking if he is still good. At the very moment of adversity, I find myself lost, confused, and feeling betrayed by the Lord. This past winter I wept before the Lord more times than I can count, wondering why all my friends seemed to be getting proof of his faithfulness, yet I was still lying in bed sick.

When the lawsuit first came out, I found myself spinning and spiraling and every other emotion one can feel. I started thinking that maybe my time at the institute had all been a waste. Maybe God didn’t know what he was doing when he led me here. Again, I found myself saying that I would not believe unless I saw a sign, unless I felt his nearness.

Demanding Proof from God

Here I was, after having experienced years of God’s faithfulness, standing in the middle of a thousand-year narrative of God’s faithfulness, demanding a sign from God to trust if he was even still good. Who’s got the problem here? Did God fail to reveal himself as trustworthy, or do I just not want to trust him? Does God, Creator of the Universe, Yahweh Everlasting, God of the Nations, the God who inspired humanity to write a book telling his character and will, the God who sent his son to history, the Son who did not count equality with God something to be grasped, a problem revealing himself, or do I have a problem paying attention when he does?

Maybe there is a fundamental fear that still exists within me that says God is not good and does not have my best interest in mind. Something within me wants to blame the issue on God’s lack of strength rather than my lack of character. Rather than having faith, which I claim I have, I demand another sign from God, asking him to heal me to show me that he is good or asking him to help me feel him so I know which direction to go. I still want God to prove himself on my terms.

Is God Enough?

So the question I have to ask myself is not if God is good enough for me to trust, for he has made that abundantly clear in scripture and in the testimony of faithful people. Rather, I need to ask if who God has revealed himself to be is really enough for me. Above the healings, the guidance, the direction, the peace, the community, etc., is God alone enough for me to be content? Is he not the object of our faith? Or was this only ever about what he could do for me? Does he not feel enough right now because I’ve only been satisfied with God and the things he gives me?

Thomas and the Call to Believe

What does Jesus say about this?

“20When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord… Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, ‘We have seen the Lord.’ But he said to them, ‘Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.’ Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.’ 27 Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.’ 28 Thomas answered him, ‘My Lord and my God!’ 29 Jesus said to him, ‘Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.’ John 20:24-29”

Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. This is a fundamental truth about human life that those who believe without seeing will be blessed. Jesus was not suggesting a comfortable life; he was offering a blessing for those who would fulfill this expectation.

The Outcome of Faith

What is this blessing, anyhow? Is it money? Healing? Better family relationships?

“Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:8–9

I wish I could say that I’m learning to trust Jesus and that my blessing has been healing or a sign of what I’m supposed to do in life, but it hasn’t. I’m more confused than ever and just as sick as before. However, I am rejoicing with a joy that is inexpressible because my source of life is Jesus! Because I have the greatest gift, which is God himself, and I have the confidence that he has always been faithful and he will always be faithful to me.

Finding Contentment in God

After all these years of asking God to do these things for me, I wonder how often he's just wanted me to find contentment in him. It's time I start finding myself in him, not in the things he can give me.

So instead of praying each day for healing and guidance, which I still make time for, my prayers are starting to look more like thanksgiving and intercession. My quiet time is less weeping about my unfortunate circumstance and more reading scripture to learn more about God’s story of faithfulness. Because God is enough for me, and I am willing to face the hardships, the brokenness, and the really hard goodbyes if it means I can be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own but a righteousness in him. I don’t want to need the proof of his faithfulness; I want to believe it even when I can’t see it.

A Final Encouragement

And I wonder what it would look like if we all committed to doing that today. If we all put behind us the fear of what God might not fix and just ran into his arms, knowing with confidence that he would be there to catch us. How that would change us as a people. How that would change the people around us. Let's all run toward him together, with confidence that he is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever.

God has already proven His faithfulness—through history, through Christ, and through your own life—so the real question is not whether He is trustworthy, but whether you are willing to trust Him without demanding proof, finding that He Himself is enough even when nothing else changes.