What Do I Do When My Parents Don’t Want me to Go on the Mission Field (or to Bible School)?

Honor Your Parents and Obey God

In an ideal world, all parents would joyfully support their son or daughter’s wish to fulfill God’s calling for their lives. But since when has reality ever been so simple? Following God is a complicated journey which can evoke unexpected reactions from people, even your parents.  Your desire to follow God may be met with dismay,  disappointment, or even a dispute from the ones from whom you most want support. Your parents’ responsibility to push you in the right direction may cause conflict when their idea of the “right direction” clashes with yours. 

So here’s a question: God says to honor your parents, but what do you do when your parents don’t want you to honor what you believe God is calling you to do?  

Option A. - Ignore your parents and follow God

Option B. - Ignore God and follow your parents

Option C. - Ignore both God and your parents and go join the circus

Option D. - None of the above. 

Hopefully, you guessed letter D. These decisions aren’t always black and white, and so you’ll have to wade through some gray areas to figure out the best way to deal with the situation. This means you’ll need to be extra-sensitive to God’s spirit, making sure to follow how he leads you. You may be under more scrutiny because of your decision to try to follow God’s calling for your life, and thus It is important you represent him well, as your life can be a testimony of who our God is. Sometimes people have misconceptions of God, often because of how they have seen other Christians live, and thus it is important that you are able to back up your desire to follow God with a demonstration that sets you apart from the crowd.

Learn Why They Don’t Want You to be a Missionary. 

One of the first things you should figure out is the “why” - why do your parents not want you to go to the mission field or to Bible school? Do they think you won’t  be able to make a living with a Bible degree? Do they want to keep you close to home rather than far off on a mission field? Are they scared for your safety? Did they have bad experiences with religion in the past? There are a hundred different reasons why a parent may not want their child to go off to the mission field or attend a Bible school. After all, how is a missions or Bible degree going to help you make it big in life? 

Knowing why they do not want you to go allows you to better address their concerns. If their concern is the expense of a private Bible college, look for an affordable school which offers a work-study program. If their concern is not being able to find a job after college, consider a Bible school which has a good post-graduate hiring rate. Maybe they are under the impression that a Bible school won’t give you the skills you need to survive in the “real world,” and if that’s the case, then find a Bible school which equips its students with the skills needed to navigate the professional world. (If any of those happen to be the case, then try checking out the Institute for G.O.D.)

However, there could be a myriad of other reasons why your parents are uneasy about this major life choice you are making. Letting them know you understand the reasons for their disapproval can be helpful, as to them, your choice to follow God may not seem like the best one. You should also communicate as best you can your reasons for wanting to do what you plan to do. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, and share the desire you have in your heart to serve others on behalf of God. Clear communication is helpful. It may not solve all the problems, but letting them know you understand their concerns and respect their advice shows a maturity that is needed to make a big life decision. 

Consider Your Situation

If you are still a minor living with your parents, you should obey them. It is their responsibility to take care of you and respecting their authority over you can glorify God. Even Jesus obeyed his parents and traveled back home rather than staying in Jerusalem and being taught by the priests at the Temple (Luke 2). It says Jesus was only 12, and thus according to Jewish custom, not yet recognized as being old enough to make such a decision. However, it did not stop Jesus from doing what God called him to do with his life. He still ends up getting educated in the Scriptures. In fact, when he is older he clears out the Temple and learns how it had been corrupting the image of God. Had he disobeyed his parents and become a student at the Temple, it could have completely changed his understanding of his purpose.

If you are a legal adult then the choice is yours. However, be cautious in how you play that card as it can easily put a wedge in the parent-child relationship. You may be a legal adult, but you are still their child who should honor them.  However, there is a difference between “honor” and “obey.” As an adult, you should obey God, and in so doing, it can bring honor to your parents, even if they don’t see it. 

However, even breaking it down like this may be oversimplifying it. What happens when you have to make a choice as a minor that will affect your life as an adult the following year? For you high school seniors out there who are about to make your first big adult decision, this can be a tricky time. It could be why your parents are second-guessing your choice, because to them you’re still their kid. However, because it is a decision which will likely affect the rest of your life, the choice is up to you to follow God how he has called you.

5 Things to Remember when Obedience to God conflicts with Family….

1. Honor your parents, even if you disagree with them. 

One thing to remember is to continue to love and respect your parents. They are the ones who have raised you and are largely responsible for why you are the person you are today. So despite the conflicts you may have with them, never forget to show them love and respect, even if the disagreement may get a bit heated. God commands us to honor our parents, and so we should, even if you don’t see eye-to-eye.

2. Their Fear vs. Your Faith

You have to be mature when it comes to these decisions. They may think you are being unrealistic or full of youthful ideals, but if you truly believe it is what God has called you to do, then take a step of faith. You may not be sure how it will all work out, but God can make a way. However, you need to be aware that a step of faith to you may look like a step in the wrong direction to them. Don’t be afraid to admit how it could look to others; let them know you are aware of what it means for your life. 

3. This Too Shall Pass

Conflict may cause some drama for a time, but as they see you develop and mature into the person of Jesus Christ, your life can be a testimony of God’s providence. In time, what was once a big deal will hopefully calm down, and they will hopefully be able to see the fruit of living a life for God.

4. You are not Alone

There are plenty of others who have been the center of familial conflict due to their desire to follow God. Seek advice from people who have been in similar situations. It’s possible even Jesus had some family tension, considering some comments his brothers make (John 7:1-5) as well as some comments Jesus makes (Matthew 12:46-50). Following Jesus is not easy, and the life of a dedicated believer can sometimes make others feel insecure causing them to be hostile to your plan to devote yourself to God. This should not surprise us though. If people were against the prophets and Jesus, we should expect there will be those who stand in conflict with your plan to pursue God.

5. Pray

As you choose to follow God, don’t neglect prayer for your family. Conflict can often lead to hard feelings towards others, especially if we are not daily connecting with God. As Jesus tells us, you should pray for those who persecute you. Pray that you could be a blessing and that they would come to understand your desire to follow God.

A Final Word

Founder and President Gregg Garner has a phrase which often helps young people going through this struggle: “You take care of God’s business, and he’ll take care of yours.” It echoes the sentiment of passages such as, “seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added to you” (Matt. 6:33) and “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28). If you attend to the things of God, you can rest assured he’ll take care of you. It may take time, but it will always be worth it.